Get ready, because I’m going to tell you that a book with this title is totally worth reading. I know, most of you are over billionaires. And the rest of you have had it with virgins. So Jessica Clare once again says, “Oh, you hate that? Then let me write more of it!” She’s written lots of billionaire books, and I haven’t read any of them because I, like you, am tired of billionaires. But she also wrote the Games series, so I decided to open my mind.
First up — this billionaire is a jerk. Rob owns a TV network (and maybe a whole enterprise based upon that network) that was built upon a Girls Gone Wild-esque show called “Tits or GTFO.” And it’s pretty much what you’d expect. We meet Rob as he’s floating in the ocean at a fancy resort, and girls are swimming up to him to either show him their tits or to make out with other girls, because they want to get his attention and get on TV. Rob is over it. Not in a moral, respect-for-women epiphany kind of way. He’s just tired of fake boobs and he wants to finish a business call without getting them shoved in his face all the time. He’s still totally cool with making money off of their behavior.
Now, meet the Virgin, Marjorie. Her parents died when she was young and she was raised by her grandparents. She’s six-foot-one, and very insecure about her height. She spends her free time hanging out with old, retired people, not because she’s a do-gooder but because she’s more comfortable around people that age. She honestly enjoys knitting, shuffleboard, and bingo. She’s a virgin because the only time she made out with a guy, he was drunk at a party and the next day he told everyone that he regretted it. Her height intimidates men. So, she’s sweet and good-natured in a believable way. She’s at the fancy beach resort for the wedding of her coworker (who is marrying the billionaire owner of the resort).
Rob, drunk and floating in his inner tube, angers the women who offer to let him snort coke off of their bellies. They flip his raft, his leg cramps, and suddenly he’s drowning in calm waters not far from shore. A fitting end. Marjorie, in what Rob sees as an unsexy polka-dot bikini, rescues him and gives him mouth to mouth. He falls for her instantly, because that’s what happens when someone saves your life. But the lifeguards take over and Marjorie disappears.
When Rob is about to abandon the resort, he sees Marjorie again. She’s wearing tall, sexy shoes, which make her even taller, and he instantly fantasizes about having her long legs wrapped around his neck. So he asks her out, and she accepts. Their first date is terrible. Marjorie gets drunk to cover her nerves, and Rob subdues his crass, foul-mouthed nature to become Datable Rob, “a bland putz.” Their second date involves bingo, an ugly sweater vest, and Marjorie taking advice from octogenarians. It is also terrible.
Just when I thought I’d be reading about Datable Rob and his identity crisis, he rips off his sweater and tells Marjorie exactly what he’d like to do to her. And just when I thought I’d be reading about a shocked virgin willing to be taught, she plays the V-card and says no. This billionaire and virgin are not like the other billionaires and virgins, do you see?
I hated Rob, okay? But by the end of the book, well, he still wasn’t my type, but I totally believed that Marjorie loved him. And I believed that he loved, worshipped, and adored her. He didn’t win her over by flying her around the world, buying her expensive clothes, or by flashing his money. He just hung out with her, kissed her a lot, and told her all the time how attractive she was. It was downright sweet. (But also sexy, if you know what I’m saying. Don’t worry, Marjorie does not hold out forever.) I’m telling you, I want to read it again just thinking about it.
So if you’ve given up on billionaires and virgins, or if you’ve never read them, let this book be The One for you. Like Rob, it’s crass, over-the-top, and funny, and it will win you over in the end.
Click to purchase: Amazon
The Billionaire and the Virgin
by Jessica Clare
Release Date: February 17, 2015