Review: The Billionaire Takes a Bride by Jessica Clare

billionaire takes a brideReviewed by Janell

I think I’ve established that I love this author. She is allowed to write billionaires because they aren’t the usual demanding, silent, alpha types. This book parallels in time the prior book, because both heroines are bridesmaids for Gretchen, the heroine of another book that I haven’t read. It’s a little complicated if you want to keep everyone straight, but you really don’t need to. You can read this as a standalone.

I get such a kick out of these setups. Sebastian is the oldest son of a reality tv family. His father is very rich, he married a younger woman who wanted to be famous, and now it’s Daddy Money and Mama Precious and their kids, “a bunch of nobodies who happened to have money and did stupid things to spend it.” Sebastian was able to opt out of filming for the most part. He doesn’t have a job, he just doodles and rock climbs and avoids cameras.

Chelsea plays roller derby for the Broadway Rag Queens, and her derby name is Chesty LaRude, number 34DD. Yes! She’s a blocker, slamming into the other players and causing mayhem on the track. She loves it. She’s also afraid of the dark, terrified of being alone, and prone to panic attacks because of a past event.

Sebastian and Chelsea are matched up at the pre-engagement dinner. He notices that she has no interest in him, and she notices that he’s avoiding gold diggers. Since his ex-girlfriend is trying to get back together with him, Sebastian decides that he and Chelsea should get married to solve all of their avoiding-people problems. Double yes!

Whatever will they tell their friends about their quickie marriage?

“We could tell [them] you have a magic vagina.”

“A what?”

“Yep. Magic vagina. Or one like a Venus flytrap. My dick went inside and never came back out.”

There’s also this bit:

“You can dress and act however you want when we’re together, you know,” Sebastian said.

She gave him a challenging look. “I know that. I don’t need your permission.”

He scratched his head, feeling sheepish. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

She reached out and patted his knee, the first contact she’d made with him since starting her horrible story. “It’s all right. I know your penis makes you think that you make all the decisions.”

Basically, Sebastian is the nicest billionaire without a job in a platonic marriage that you’ll ever meet. And Chelsea is just sweet. She knows she’s broken, she’s trying to fix it, but meanwhile she just needs to cuddle and keep all the lights on. And make vegan soap for her Etsy shop.

Sebastian’s family provides just enough campy drama, and Chelsea’s friends offer great moral support. You’ll laugh, you might cry, and you’ll find a whole new use for roller skates.

Rating: A-

*ARC provided by publisher

Click to purchase: Amazon

The Billionaire Takes a Bride
by Jessica Clare
Release Date: October 20, 2015
Publisher: InterMix

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