Review: The Princess and the Swineherd by Michael Bracken

Reviewed by Ronelle

Princess Maegth is the most beautiful woman in the kingdom and Hunig has had a crush on her since the first time she laid eyes upon her. When the evil wizard Vilemort and his dozen dirty dwarves abduct Maegth, Hunig joins the search. In the company of a broken-down knight named Fearn-leah of Heathfield, Hunig trails the wizard and his minions.

After successfully rescuing the princess, she reveals her feelings and discovers the feelings are reciprocated. But they aren’t out of danger yet…

***

I’m not sure I’ve ever been so happy for a story to only be 25 pages! I suppose I should have realized that something so short would essentially be a porno, but silly me, I was expecting more. First, I’ve never had great luck with male authors writing lesbians. They usually turn out flat, uninteresting, and like what you’d see in an X-rated movie geared primarily at men. Sadly, “The Princess and the Swineherd” was no exception.

The blurb led me to believe this was a sweet story of discovery or a fairytale or something, but I think Mr. Bracken (and his readers) would have been better served if he’d just been honest about what this was; a beat-off piece. There is no character development here and the weird names made the reading a little unwieldy. Vilemort was easily vanquished and the obstacle of Fearn-leah was surmounted without effort. The writing style was flat, lacked any trace of subtlety/fitness, and was completely inelegant. The way Hunig and Maegth’s interactions and bodies were described was a complete turn-off; everything was presented in minute, tedious detail (like the way Hunig’s breasts float in the water but slide to the side when she lays on her back or how her nipples are thick as rope) and done using phrases like “female opening”. I actually found some of the passages flat-out gross: “…she was grooming dwarves who had not bathed since erupting from their mother’s wombs,” for example, or uncomfortable, like when Maegth slammed her pubic bone into Hunig’s face. Ew to the former and the latter is a really good way to get punched.

I figured 6,400 words could be penned without typos, but I was wrong. I found two, which is a lot in something so short and while neither were things that spellcheck would pick up, they should have been caught by the author. (“Princess Hunig” and “the bush’s handle”)

Bottom line: Michael Bracken has written A LOT of short pieces and I have to wonder if they all fall this flat. If you don’t like any actual romance in your romance or eroticism in your erotica, then this might appeal to you.

Rating: F

Click to purchase: Amazon

The Princess and the Swineherd
by Michael Bracken
Release Date: September 26, 2017
Publisher: Deep Desires Press

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