DNF Review: S.A.R.A.H. by PC Ryan

Reviewed by Ronelle

Robert Vincent is 38 and awkward, a loner who’s never been laid. But the year is 2040 and automaton technology is reaching a new height, so in desperation, Robert orders the latest model, a companion named S.A.R.A.H.. He expects at least an exciting substitute, an escape from the endless chain of disappointments in his real life.

What he gets is a wet dream; a gorgeous woman who literally can’t say no and who is programmed to fulfill every need and desire a guy could have.

***

I’ll start this review by admitting that I couldn’t even bring myself to finish this… I don’t know that I even have an accurate word. Badly written porno, maybe? Fetish piece? Those give the gist, I suppose. In hindsight, I should have known better, but the blurb really did intrigue me. Maybe my love of Data from Star Trek: The Next Generation has finally come around to bite me.

There was no character development here. Zero, zip, nada, though I’m not sure how much I was expecting in 6700 words. Our, um, ‘hero’, was an awkward 38-year-old who couldn’t hit it off with women, but as soon as he got a made-to-order robot who was programmed to fuck him, he also got to hook up with the hot new chick from next door. Seriously? This ‘story’ was nothing more than a porno of every stereotypical nerd’s wet dreams. The kind of porno made in some bro’s basement, with bad music and a camera guy who was so excited, he didn’t know where to focus so the first take ends up being a shot of the ceiling or something.

The writing itself was, quite frankly, bland and cringingly awkward. At first, Mr. Ryan seemed to be going for a non-American style, but quickly lost focus and just started using whatever slang term came to mind. The use of “fanny” was one of the strangest, because I’ve always heard it in reference to the backside and even the Brits use it that way, I think. Either way, it’s not a term for vagina in anything I’ve ever come across, so to see it used that way here was confusing. There was also a distinct shortage of descriptions that weren’t of a sexual nature and most of them made me grimace (“Vagina flaps” for example). I couldn’t find anything arousing, erotic, or even fun about this story. It was definitely a quantity over quality thing, as if going for a record of how much sex could be fit into so few pages—at the expense of the reader’s enjoyment. I felt bad for Sarah, but at least she was programmed to enjoy it no matter how quick or unfulfilling it was.

Oh, and if I haven’t said so already, “S.A.R.A.H.” was 6700 words….6700 words THAT WEREN’T EVEN FREE OF TYPOS! For this short of a story, more than one would indicate that little to no editing was done, and there was more than one. Mostly missing words, but I was still annoyed by the lack of attention to the technicalities.

Bottom line: I want my hour back, please. The only reason I didn’t give this an F is because I still find the idea/premise intriguing.

Rating: D

*ARC provided by author

Click to purchase: Amazon

S.A.R.A.H.
by P.C. Ryan
Release Date: November 14, 2017
Publisher: Deep Desires Press

Comments

  1. Your poor hour! Shame you’ll never get it back

  2. Your poor hour! Shame you’ll never get it back
    Oh, and fanny does mean vagina in England. Fanny Pack always cracks me up when I watch US TV.

    • Ronelle Antoinette says:

      Haha, the fanny pack thing is hilarious! I’ll never see them in the same light again. And as for my hour…ugh, you have no idea.

      • Shelly Browne says:

        This sounds like one hand was typing and the other was ‘preoccupied’ under the desk.

        What the heck are vagina flaps? Okay, I know what they are but that makes it should like she’s a plane or something. The analogy isn’t one I’m even sure belongs in porn.

        Thanks for taking one for the team 🙂

        • Ronelle Antoinette says:

          “Folks, this is your captain speaking. We’ll be underway in aboooout five minutes. The ground crew is attending to an issue with one of our vagina flaps.” *giggles into cup of coffee*

          And you’re welcome. 😉

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